Article No.1036 of the Civil Law contains the following: ‘If anyone of the engaged persons breaks up the intended marriage ‘without reasonable grounds’ and in case the other side, or the parents or other persons, were deceived into believing that the marriage would take place and incurred expenses, the side which turned down the marriage agreement must defray the expenses incurred by the other side, but such damages are restricted to the expenses that are customary. For a woman, marriage is a big step in life. However, there are two points here which cannot be waived aside. Those proposals for the Civil Law start in the subject of proposal and engagement. This Article, because the stress is on the word “deceived”, and this is suggestive of the basic intention of the Article, is commonly known as the rule of “deception.”. If the Muslim man would ask for the daughter’s hand in marriage from the father of the girl, it is very likely that he will not be given a chance to marry. The second point that must be mentioned in collection with this chapter is that Mr. Mahdavi, the writer of the forty proposals1 writes: According to Article 1037, if either of the persons engaged in marriage turns down the marriage undertaking without any Sound reason, the gifts that the opposite side, their parents or any third person, have presented in anticipation of the consummation of the marriage, should be returned. Even though it sounds traditional, a father’s blessing is not something someone can ignore. Is the provision of fixed-term marriage a license for promiscuity? This is a good question to ask even if you are meeting the person to make a final decision because it will be a reminder about the real purpose of marriage from an Islamic perspective. From time immemorial man has approached woman with his proposal and has requested conjugality from her. This has been the greatest of factors in safe-guarding the prestige and honor of women. The only result of engagement that has been acknowledged is that the party violating the engagement should return the gifts or their value to the party that presented them, whereas the main expenses which the individual must sustain in an engagement are other expenses, for example the expenses of the engagement celebrations, inviting guests and things connected with this. A lot of men think they are doing women a favor by asking for her hand in marriage, but lets think about this: Changes her home, Leaves her family, Moves in with you, Builds a home with you, Gets pregnant for you, Pregnancy changes her body, She gets fat, Almost gives up in the labor room due to the unbearable pains of child birth, 1 Mahr. It shows her parents that you love their daughter enough to go through the possible discomfort of asking for her hand. Attention to essence and meaning as opposed to shape and form: A permanent law for a permanent requirement and a variable law for a varying requirement: It does not matter what you wear, as long as you do not imitate slavishly: The question of “ahamm wa muhimm” (that which is more important and that which is significant), Part Five: The Human Status of Woman in the Quran, The particular philosophy of Islam concerning family rights, The status of woman in the world-view of Islam. Modern youth, the time of puberty, and the onset of textual activity: Monasticism for a fixed period, sexual communism, or fixed-term marriage: Fixed-Term marriage and the problem of the harem. Asalaamu alaikum! Books on Islam, Muslims, Prophet Muhammad(s), Ahlul Bayt. Having a good relationship with her family leads to a happy marriage as well. He is the first man she knew and the first one she fell in love with. So, the Civil Law not only did not overlook the losses sustained in connection with engagement (which according to the writer of the proposals are realized because of the engagement itself), but it has incorporated it in two Articles. I'm Michelle Devani and would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to my site. Her father wants to see your sincerity, how far you’re committed to marry her. Dad is Every Daughter First Love. Should we be independent or follow the west? (Quran 4:4) In Islam, this marriage ritual is … You don’t need to ask should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage anymore. Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi was sallam) said, “A woman is normally sought as a wife for her wealth, beauty, nobility, or religiousness (adherence to Islam), but choose a religious woman and you … According to this Article, the defaulting party is responsible not only for the expenses of the other party but also for the expenses of the parents and others. While for a woman, who aspires to be the object of affection, the beloved, the adored one, to submit to the heart of a man who will govern her existence, it is repugnant for her to invite a man to be her spouse, and, if it happens that her request is turned down, to go in search of another man. And you are indeed a nice guy, seeing how brave you are to talk to her father about marriage. He will give you his blessing 100 percent for sure. It’s why he wants to see you. From the minute you’re praying to get married, considering someone seriously, living with someone and going through life together… And until you meet Allah together, pleased by Him for how He helped you, and well pleasing to Him. The function entrusted to the female is to display her attractions, to invite attention with due self-control and restraint, and thus capture the heart of the rougher sex and accept the male by the tender consent of his heart, and thus render him willingly to carry out her commands. In case the original articles no longer exist their value must be returned, unless the gifts, through no fault of the party concerned, have perished. I hope you find what you're looking for. To respect her father, who has been her protector the whole time ever since she was born, you don’t have to hesitate whether should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage anymore. As an adult, you feel like you have the responsibility in your life and start to neglect the parents’ role in life. Whereas, as a rule, if one party turns down the marriage agreement ‘on reasonable grounds’ also, they should, on, being asked by the other side, at least return the original articles presented as gifts by the other side. Woman as a part of the share of inheritance: Woman’s inheritance in the Sassanid period in Iran: The share of women in inheritance according to Islam: An objection by the worshippers of the west: The objection of atheists at the beginning of Islam about inheritance: The environment in divorce-infected America. This Article of Law has provided for all those eventualities that Mr. Mahdavi thought the law did not anticipate. - Why It Matters. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam. Prayer of Need “Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. How to Ask for Her Hand in Marriage If you live close by, the easiest thing to do is to call and ask if you can stop by for a moment as you have something to ask them. MARRIAGE IN ISLAM. Man is instinctively disposed to seek and ask, and woman is instinctively disposed to display herself. Does modern woman not want a dower or maintenance? When you propose marriage, it is o.k. If marriage is one of Allah’s signs, then it is something that should lead you to Him, every step of the way. This Article concerns the gifts that both sides present to each other. Hearing this, the person approached the woman, proposed marriage to her and subsequently married her. A formal, binding contract – verbal or on paper – is considered integral to a religiously valid Islamic marriage, and outlines the rights and responsibilities of the groom and bride. Reciprocal differences in the feelings of men and women towards each other: The dower in the Islamic system of rights: European love-affairs are more natural than their marriages: The customs of the pre-Islamic period that that were abolished by Islam: The repression of European women up to the second half of the nineteenth century: Why did Europe suddenly grant financial independence? The tenderness of her body thus finds its compensation in comparison with the strength of man. It is strange how a person who is incapable or comprehending the meaning of a few simple articles of the Civil Law (in spite of the fact that for years his occupation had been the study of these Articles, and that, as a specialist in the knowledge of these laws, he had been a burden on the budget of the country), can cherish the wish to change the revealed law which involves thousands of considerations and fine points. Now the fact is that usually at the time of the engagement the two parties do not give each other things for the purposes of the marriage, but undergo considerably heavy outlay for the engagement itself. Asking her father to marry her means you also consider him as an important person in your girlfriend’s life and how you respect him for that. Should You Ask Your Girlfriend How Many Guys She Has Slept With, Ways To Make An Aquarius Woman Obsessed With You And Will Love You Endlessly, How Young Muslims Define Halal Dating for Themselves Based on Islam Laws, 15 Reasons Why You Should Not Date In High School (#6 Is Important). Talking to Your Girlfriend’s Parents Plan what you're going to say. Many people no longer asking a dad’s permission when they’re going to marry his daughter. Is this derogatory to the position of women, or is it an expression or admiration and recognition of the greatest honor and of their value in hearts that are alive and sensitive? Laws made by man, or, in other words, the legal precautions he employs, should safeguard this advantage for women and this obligation on man. Natural laws in the case of marriage and divorce: The natural status of man in family life: The structure which is built on affections and feelings: It is something more than equality which strengthens the foundation of the family: The nature of peace in the family is different from all other forms of peace: The right of divorce arises from the particular role of the man in the matter of love, and is not based upon his ownership: Divorce is a release in the same way as the inherent nature of marriage is dominance: Wife having the right of divorce as an entrusted right. Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. It’s clear from the Koran that Islam holds a generally positive view of marriage, but the relevant law has always allowed for the possibility of divorce. © Ahlul Bayt Digital Islamic Library Project 1995-2021. In Islam, the dowry does not exist and is in fact, forbidden. It means you not only love her but you also love her family and want to be welcomed there. As you see Mr. Mahdavi’s objection to this article of the law is that “engagement” is not considered to carry legal obligation and be a guarantee of performance. This sounds cliché but this is true: a dad is the first love of every daughter. You really need to be her father’s best friend. Long before you meet him, there are one person who has an absolute ownership of herself: her dad. (al-Haythami, Kitab ab-Nikah, 4:255). This is what we meant when we remarked that ‘these people, designing to improve her eyebrows have actually deprived the poor woman of her eyesight.’. On the other hand, if Allah facilitates the process, then that is a sign for you to pursue it. One of them is this. Mahr (dowry) is a marriage gift from the bridegroom to his bride, which becomes her exclusive property and right. He wants you to promise him that you will do everything within your power to guarantee his happiness, just like how he did all along. The right to “privacy” of all confidential matters. This sounds cliché but this is true: a dad is the first love of every … Now it can be seen how far the best of her distinctions, her honor and respect is blemished in the name of women’s rights. Its only effect is that the party violating the undertaking who, as expressed by the writer of the above law, ‘without any sound reason’ turns down the marriage settlement, should return the original or the cost of the gifts that they received from the other side. This is not the case with human being only. When planning for marriage, one has to ask himself who he should marry. Any expenditure incurred in its performance was quite minimal, and not a burden on either family. The Muslims Wedding Tradition including asking for the father’s blessing during the wedding ceremony, symbolizing that afterwards the woman has become the husband’s responsibility. Enter valid first name and last name with at least one space. Islam permits the dissolution of marriage for a number of … Can one really considerate an insult to the female sex when Hafiz our sweet-tongued poet, composed these lines: Shiraz is the home of ruby lips and the mine of beauty; I am a penniless jeweler, and it makes me anxious.It is a town full of beckoning glances and beauty in all directions; But I have nothing, otherwise I avoid be the buyer of all. August 15, 2002 There are traditions regarding asking the father of one’s beloved for her hand in marriage; however, these are almost ancient history at this point. A dad usually sees the Signs of Good Husband Material to Marry better than his own daughter. But if you feel that you should not be able to deal justly, then only one or what your right hand possesses.That would be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice." Assalamu alaikum. No father will ever let her daughter to suffer after she gets married. In that case he will ask one woman after another until he meets a woman who gives him her consent. Polygyny is a source of protection for monogamy: The crises arising from the frustration of unmarried women. It is a man’s instinct to make the approach and ask, and a woman’s, instinct to be a source of attraction and act with self-restraint: Man seeks union with woman, not to enslave her: The custom of asking the hand of woman in marriage is a very safe and wise way of safeguarding the honour and prestige of a woman: Errors by the writer of the forty articles in the Civil Law:], Contemporary life and fixed-term marriage. His aim is that the proposal should not be on the initiative of one side only, so that the phrase “taking a woman in marriage”, and always consider it the duty of a man to ask the hand of a woman in marriage, we will be lowering the status of women and treating her as a purchasable article. He is treated as a customer or buyer while the woman is represented as some sort of merchandise. Besides that, in the Civil Law incitement is acknowledged to be a binding liability of the person who incites an act, and Article No.332, which concerns incitement, can be implemented to secure the defaulting parties in such cases. These are the reasons that the draft of the Article put forward by the writer of the forty proposals to make woman share in the duty of proposing does not have any value and is injurious for the whole human race. [duplicate] Ask Question Asked 2 years, 4 months ago. Every dad surely feel a little bit hard to let go of his daughter for another man. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “If a man comes for your daughter’s hand in marriage, and you see nothing wrong with his character and religion, marry your daughter to him.” It is evident that although the Article does not contain any order nor assign any obligation, marriage has nevertheless been brought up for consideration as the ‘taking of a wife’ by man. For the proposer has perpetrated some great mistakes, and is even unable to perceive the correct meaning of some simple articles. Some tradition needs to be kept alive. One of them is when she asks her father’s permission to get married. It is in this Article that the condition of ‘without reasonable grounds’ is stipulated. I begin my discussion about the proposed forty articles from the very point they themselves begin. She always has many lovable Ways to Tell Your Dad You Love Him. They'll probably suspect, but that's okay as it will give them time to be prepared and know what to say. The Prophet accepts the marriage of multiple wives but only if the husband's duties will not falter as a result Assalamu alaikum brother and sisters My mother recently decided to ask a girl’s hand in marriage for me. Plan how you wish to propose. The west is involved in a basic contradiction about man: The west has forgotten both itself and its God: Part Six: The Natural Basis of Family Rights, The connection between natural rights and the direction in which nature moves, Part Seven: The Differences Between Woman and Man. Article No 1037 of the Civil Law states: —, “In case of the intended marriage being broken up, the gifts which either side had given or the parents of the persons engaged had presented in anticipation of marriage may be demanded back by each side. This is the best guarantee of her prestige and respect and the counteraction to her physical weakness as against the physical strength of man. Any other use of the hosted content, such as for financial gain, requires express approval from the copyright owners. For example, if Allah puts difficulty upon difficulty in any attempts to get to know this young man for marriage, then please take heed and let this go. Evaluate her family dynamic and make sure to ask the right person for their blessing. This is the best security in the maintenance of balance and proportion in their life together. Hadiths: The Marriage Process in Islam by Shaad Ahmed. Ask yourself: Why am I getting married. When Love ends for whatever reason, problems are more likely to arise. 47 Ways To Make A Scorpio Man Fall In Love With You, 221 Sweet And Cute Things To Say To Your Boyfriend When He Got Mad At You, What To Say To Your Boyfriend On Your 5 Month Anniversary, 31 Ways To Make A Cancer Man Fall In Love, 33 Signs That Your Best Friend Hates You Secretly, 17 Things A Libra Man Looks For In A Woman, What Do Scorpios Find Physically Attractive? The attachment of the Iranian nation to religion. It will never get old. Since a dad’s permission means a lot for a woman, you must have find the answer should you ask your girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage. It serves as a powerful opportunity of emotionally relating on a deeply personal level with the people who are about to become a new and important part of your family circle. Various results following from the phenomenon of the excess in the number of women: Disadvantages and shortcomings in Polygyny. You have to be thankful for her dad in some ways, since a woman tend to look up at his father’s a lot and wanting to marry someone like him. It is at the root of the proposal for the annulment of dower (mahr) and maintenance of the wife (nafaqah), so we shall fully discuss it with the subject of mahr and nafaqah in its proper place. As you read in my case, I followed the tradition of proposing myself … ... Browse other questions tagged quran hadith nikah women sex or ask your own question. How to Ask Her Father for Her Hand in Marriage. 1. I think that if you dont feel happy and satisfied in the marriage you have the right to ask for Talaq. It leaves a good mark in her father’s eye. Firstly, the question is mistakenly directed against the Civil Law. There are many steps to get through before two people get married and each of them makes her heart flutter. What is prescribed in sharee’ah is for the suitor to see the woman to whom he wants to propose marriage, because of the report narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087), al-Nasaa’i (3235) and Ibn Maajah (1865) from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who proposed to a woman and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to … Asking your girlfriend’s parents for … I think the best way to start off the conversation … Asking the bride's father for her hand in marriage shows respect. It has also not been mentioned that up to five years ago, when Mr. Mahdavi was busy with the compilation of the book Payman-e-muqaddas ya Mithaq-e izdivaj (The Sacrament or the Pact of Marriage), he had been reading the above sentence “without reasonable ground” as “without any reason or motivation”. The cause of woman’s being deprived of inheritance. Incidentally, this very error is one of the most serious ones. Even when it sounds old fashioned and nobody really do it anymore right now, it has many valuable meaning behind. It is in fact to do with the law of creation. In pursuance of this conception, Article 1034, the opening article of the section on marriage and divorce has been drawn up in the following way: ‘Article 1034. It is the height of her excellence that she can attract man to her wherever he is, and whatever state he is in. He is a man too, right? Welcome! How Can I Compromise? However, in most cases, the tradition has become more modern by not only asking for her father’s blessing but also her mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle or step-parents. Last night I had a dream where a class mate (I am 16) had come over with his family to ask for my hand in marriage... and exactly a week before I had the same dream except the family of a family friend came over asking for my hand in marriage. I would add that another objection can also be made against this Article, and that is that the Article mentions that if ‘without any reasonable cause’ either of the parties breaks up the marriage agreement, the defaulting side should return the original articles it received as gifts from the other side or their cost. ^^^^^ Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. It is contrary to the respect and honor of a woman to run after a man and woo him, while for a man it is manly that he should approach and solicit a woman for this purpose even if he gets a reply in the negative. Is the Declaration of Human Rights an insult to woman? You should not ignore him just because she lives on her own right now or because you feel like she loves you more than anything. The Al-Islam.org site and the DILP are entirely supported by individual donors and well wishers. Drop me a comment below to let me know what you think. In other wards, the specific text and command from Islam itself about most of them is not cited. I am not a firm believer in these things but over years many people who know reading hands pointed out that I do not have a marriage line on my hand and I won't get married by choice. Because when you ask him to marry his daughter, it’s more like notification to him. Prohibition by the Caliph of fixed-term marriage: Part Three: Woman and Her Social Independence. Asking your girlfriend’s dad for her hand to marry is more like a prior notification rather than asking for permission. A woman cannot get married unless her father gives her permission, since he is the one who’s going to get them married. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. Whether some marriages are a cancer which the wife must suffer and put up with: The cause of the disappearance of polyandry: The form of polygyny in western countries: The child-bearing period of woman is limited: Causes of the excess of the number of women fit to be married over the number of men: Polygyny is prohibited while homosexuality is lawful! Marriage is based on love and happiness. Is it the nature of man to be polygynous? Nature has created man a means of approach, love and solicitation and woman a source of attraction and being loved. Nature has imbued woman with the disposition of a flower and made man the nightingale, woman the lamp and man the moth. In islam why does men have upper hand in a marriage? It is always the function of the male to present himself impatiently and earnestly before the female. Start out expressing your feelings for his daughter. In the modern days, fathers usually gives their blessing when a man is proposing for her daughter especially when the two have been dating for a while. My name is Michelle Devani, and I've been helping people with their relationships since 2003. After such subtle psychological observations, the said proposer puts forward the draft of an article to do with asking the hand of a woman in marriage. As we have mentioned, in the law of creation man is created as a source of solicitation and approach, and is the suitor, while woman is source of what attracts and responds. Incident - Asking to marry a Stout and Black Women Dream Explanation — For her black colour suggest that she is well to do. In his, book he put in an extensive chapter wherein he wrote, ‘How on earth is it possible for something to take place without any reason or motivation?’ But eventually it was disclosed to him that for years he had been misreading that Article of the Law and erroneously taking it to mean what it did not and he then admitted that the real reading was “without reasonable grounds”. I have seen only photos of the girl and have only been told about her personality. Islam Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for Muslims, experts in Islam, and those interested in learning more about Islam. Indeed, the Prophet stated: 'the most blessed marriage is one in which the marriage partners place the least burden on each other.' So we do not consider ourselves obliged to defend the Civil Law, and we shall not enter into a discussion of the individual ideas of the proposer. Asking your sweetheart's father for her hand in marriage is an act that means different things to different people. 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